Why does separation hurt

Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time. Even if the relationship was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening. Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. No one is Superman or Supergirl; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize.

Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, other relationships, and overall health. Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup or divorce of a love relationship involves multiple losses:.

Allowing yourself to feel the pain of these losses may be scary. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process. Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving.

Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Writing in a journal can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.

Remember that moving on is the end goal. Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward. Remind yourself that you still have a future. When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams for a life together.

As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.

Know the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression. Grief can be paralyzing after a breakup, but after a while, the sadness begins to lift. Day by day, and little by little, you start moving on. When mom and dad split, a child can feel confused, angry, and uncertain as well as profoundly sad. Support from others is critical to healing after a breakup or divorce.

You might feel like being alone, but isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult. Connect face-to-face with trusted friends and family members. People who have been through painful breakups or divorces can be especially helpful.

They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships. Frequent face-to-face contact is also a great way to relieve the stress of a breakup and regain balance in your life. Spend time with people who support, value, and energize you. As you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. Get outside help if you need it. The most important thing is that you have at least one place where you feel comfortable opening up.

Sign up for a class, invest time in your hobbies, volunteer, and take time to enjoy life and make new friends. Think positively. Easier said than done, right? Things may not be the same, but finding new activities and friends, and moving forward with reasonable expectations will make this transition easier.

Be flexible. If you have children, family traditions will still be important but some of them may need to be adjusted. Help create new family activities. Reassure and listen. Make sure your kids know that your divorce is not their fault. Listen to and ease their concerns, and be compassionate but direct in your responses. Maintain stability and routines.

Offer consistent discipline. Now that your kids may share time with both parents separately, make sure to agree in advance on bedtimes, curfews and other everyday decisions, as well as any punishments. You may have fallen out of love with their other parent, but the children still love that person and may not understand why you are separating.

Let them know that they do not have to take sides. They love both of you, so attacking or criticising the other parent hurts the children. Give them a simple, honest account but not one that blames or point scores against the other parent, or gives unnecessary detail. Explain who is moving away, and when and where they will see the other parent. Tell them this was an adult decision and that they are not to blame in any way.

Be understanding if children play up or are distressed. Children need time and understanding as they adjust - many children are taken unawares when they hear their parents are separating and need a lot of assurance as they come to terms with the changes in their lives. Never use the children as gobetweens. Let significant others know what is happening ie. These people can also watch out for your children.

Find a way to communicate politely and respectfully with your former partner and keep them informed about important matters regarding the children health, injuries in your care, and education, for example.

Research shows that what children need after their parents separate is a secure base with parents they trust and feel comforted by. This comprehensive eight-week course takes you through a series of rebuilding blocks such as grief and loss, fear, loneliness and anger, as well as your role in the relationship.

It also explores letting go, rebuilding self-worth and learning to trust again. This workshop, held in a male-friendly environment, will help you develop parenting skills that are responsive to your children's needs as they find their way through the family separation, and to assist you find helpful ways to stay in contact with your children.

This workshop will provide a supportive place to acknowledge the challenges you are experiencing through the process. We will assist you to identify some practical coping strategies so that you can feel more positive about yourself and your future. Mediation can help families coping with separation and other parenting challenges receive support without court involvement. We use accredited mediators and family dispute resolution practitioners, who have a range of backgrounds including counselling, psychology, social work, family therapy, law and management.

Relationships Australia WA acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land and waters on which we live and work, and pays our respects to Elders past, present and future for they carry the cultural wisdom, the stories, the traditions and dreaming. With a commitment to reconciliation, we acknowledge the ongoing impact of past policies and practices, and commit our endeavours to creating a just society and sector that celebrates the ongoing resilience and self-determination of our first peoples and communities.

What to Expect Frequently Asked Questions.